The way I feel every few months...or is that days?
I wish you the best and the worst
That is how love and envy coexist
You are dear to me so every joyful word that leaves your lips
infuses me with a happy glow
that fades to an uncomfortable knot in my stomach.
Sad and guilty tears threaten.
You tell me story after story--
does nothing go wrong in your life?
When it is my turn to divulge,
my news is so inconsequential
that I make you return to your news
and my faux glow returns.
But for how long?
How did I get to this place,
where our lives, once identical, seem to be inversely proportional:
the more that happens to you
the less that occurs in my life?
I don't want your life,
don't want to be a facsimile
I want something new, different
and tailored to me.
Can we put the spotlight on me for the next four years?
You know I'm not happy but you can't help me and
you no longer know what it's like to be in this state.
I hope you never do
for I wish you the best.
(January 6, 2006)